Therapy Made Me Worse… Until I Understood How ADHD & AuDHD Brains Work

Therapy made me worse at forcing myself through life.

Worse at finishing boring tasks. 

Worse at starting things that held no interest for me. 

Worse at pushing through exhaustion just because I felt I “should”.

And yet, therapy also completely changed my life for the better.

For the first time, I truly understood myself. I developed compassion for myself. I gained clarity. I found me. I let go of so much shame, fear, and pressure. I stopped feeling the constant need to be “the good girl” who pleased everyone and held everything together.

So why, after all that healing, did I suddenly struggle to do things I used to be able to push myself through?

I couldn’t finish the grammar course. I couldn’t book the appointment. 

I couldn’t start tidying the spare room.

Part of me wondered whether therapy had simply stripped away the external perfectionism and revealed someone lazy underneath. Someone unmotivated. Someone who just couldn’t be bothered anymore.

But no — that wasn’t it at all.

At the time, I gave myself compassion and assumed I was simply exhausted from the emotional work of therapy. I thought my nervous system was recovering, and I think there’s truth in that. But it wasn’t the full picture.

It wasn’t until I began training as an ADHD coach that the penny finally dropped.

For most of my life, fear and shame had been my operating system.

Fear of disappointing people. 

Fear of getting things wrong. 

Shame about being seen as lazy. 

Shame about not being perfect. 

Fear of being “bad” if I didn’t perform, achieve, or keep everyone happy.

That’s how I got things done.

I now understand that this pattern is incredibly common in ADHD and AuDHD adults — particularly those who spent years masking, people-pleasing,striving for perfection, or living in chronic survival mode without realising they were neurodivergent.

And once therapy helped me dismantle those patterns (thank God), my old operating system went offline.

The problem was: I hadn’t installed a new one yet.

I didn’t know there were other ways to motivate myself.

What I’ve since learned through years of studying ADHD and AuDHD is that neurodivergent brains are often not motivated by importance alone.

We often need engagement before action becomes possible.

ADHD and AuDHD brains are often far more responsive to things like:

• Interest

• Novelty

• Meaning

• Creativity

• Connection

• Momentum

• Values

• Urgency with support rather than panic

  
  

Once I understood this, everything started making more sense.

I stopped asking:

“Why can’t I just force myself to do things anymore?”

And started asking:

“What does my brain actually need in order to engage?”

That shift changed everything.

Now, instead of relying on shame and nervous system overload to propel me forward, I try to build systems rooted in compassion, interest, meaning, and sustainability.

Is it perfect? No. 

Do I still struggle sometimes? Absolutely.

But my nervous system is no longer paying the same price.

And perhaps most importantly, I no longer measure my worth by how efficiently I can override my own needs.

So if you’ve started therapy or counselling and suddenly feel like you’ve stopped functioning, I want you to know this:

You aren’t falling apart.

You may simply have lost access to survival strategies that were never sustainable in the first place.

And while that can feel frightening and disorientating, it can also be the beginning of learning how to live and work in a way that doesn’t require fear as fuel.

That is not failure.

That is rebuilding.

If this resonates with you, and you’re beginning to realise that fear, shame, perfectionism, or burnout have been driving your life for far too long, you are not alone.

As an ADHD/AuDHD coach, I work with adults who are exhausted from trying to force themselves through life using survival strategies that were never sustainable in the first place.

Together, we explore ways of working with your brain instead of constantly fighting against it — with more compassion, more understanding, and practical support that actually fits neurodivergent nervous systems.

You do not need to earn rest, safety, or self-worth through exhaustion.

If you’d like support, you can contact me HERE.